Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 12
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
I don't get no respect, are you kiddin'? The time I got hurt. On the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, "I'm gonna run away from home." She said, "On your mark..."
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps… from moving cars.
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.