Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 18
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor, I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
My wife, she told me I was one in a million. I found out that she was right.
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets.
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
She was so ugly that she was known as a two bagger, one for you in case her bag breaks.