Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 19
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled "rape" they yelled "nooooooo".
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.