Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 19
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets.
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
She was so ugly that she was known as a two bagger, one for you in case her bag breaks.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.