Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 17
I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."
I remember one date I had, we ran into some guy she knew and she introduced us. She said, 'Steve, this is Rodney. Rodney, this is goodbye.'
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
The only normal people are the ones you don't know too well.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.