Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 25
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
I remember one guy gave her a good piece of his mind. Yeah, it was right after she took a good piece of his leg.
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
That son of mine, when they made him they broke the mold. Then they set it on fire to be sure.
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.