Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

I didn’t worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.

While my fervent hope is we can get the entire amount. I think we need to have some idea what we would lose.