Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.

We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we can sustain it, we wouldn't want to have to go back once we increase it.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

That's a device. I like to think about it as a little bit of a mystery ... the director describes it as a statement of authorship. It's kind of a sophisticated concept, but I like to think of it almost as my character looking back intellectually, but not at an advanced age.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.