Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.