Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

All of those things make it look like a really hard transaction to pull off. But it can be done.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

While my fervent hope is we can get the entire amount. I think we need to have some idea what we would lose.

That's a device. I like to think about it as a little bit of a mystery ... the director describes it as a statement of authorship. It's kind of a sophisticated concept, but I like to think of it almost as my character looking back intellectually, but not at an advanced age.