Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

All of those things make it look like a really hard transaction to pull off. But it can be done.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

I didn’t worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

That's a device. I like to think about it as a little bit of a mystery ... the director describes it as a statement of authorship. It's kind of a sophisticated concept, but I like to think of it almost as my character looking back intellectually, but not at an advanced age.