Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 9
The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.
It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.
She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.
I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.
How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?
And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...
We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we can sustain it, we wouldn't want to have to go back once we increase it.
Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.
Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.
People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? You're the director."
I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.