Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 3

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.

Knowledge of means without knowledge of ends is animal training.

I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.

I have found that - just as in real life - imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.

She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

I'd thought I'd spend time with the kids so they don't turn out weird.

Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!