Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 3

If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.

Into the mud, scum queen!

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

The new phone book’s here... The new phone book’s here... This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need... My name in print... That really makes somebody... Things are going to start happening to me now.

The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.

I have found that - just as in real life - imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.

I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

I think when the movie `Roxanne' came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

It's pain that changes our lives.

I'd thought I'd spend time with the kids so they don't turn out weird.

It eventually appeared to be me, cinematically. When I was writing it I was actually an author, you know, writing a book. ... But there certainly is a difference in energy between a younger man and an older man.