Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 4

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

It's kind of a dream come true, because we've always loved these films. We've loved this character, and now we have the opportunity to not remake the movie, but to play these characters. It's like playing Hamlet.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people!

I lost 20 pounds - actually, I lost 25 pounds, but then I gained 5 back because I was too skinny. I didn`t change what I ate, I just started eating smaller portions. And I cut out bread - that`s the real killer, because I was reaching in and eating half a loaf before dinner arrived. All you have to do is that, and then you can drink all you want.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

It's pain that changes our lives.

You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.

I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.

It eventually appeared to be me, cinematically. When I was writing it I was actually an author, you know, writing a book. ... But there certainly is a difference in energy between a younger man and an older man.

I think when the movie `Roxanne' came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.

You son of a motherless goat!

We've had some fun tonight... considering we're all gonna die someday.

The presence of excessive wealth puts an unnatural spin on the appreciation of art.