Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 4
I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
It's kind of a dream come true, because we've always loved these films. We've loved this character, and now we have the opportunity to not remake the movie, but to play these characters. It's like playing Hamlet.
You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.
I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
I lost 20 pounds - actually, I lost 25 pounds, but then I gained 5 back because I was too skinny. I didn`t change what I ate, I just started eating smaller portions. And I cut out bread - that`s the real killer, because I was reaching in and eating half a loaf before dinner arrived. All you have to do is that, and then you can drink all you want.
Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people!
The presence of excessive wealth puts an unnatural spin on the appreciation of art.
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!