Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 5
Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.
Comedians don`t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can`t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.
And I was just thinking: as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them, I really wouldn't want to be "in" your shoes at this particular time and place.
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
There's a big difference between the National Book Awards and the Academy Awards. At the Academy Awards you can feel the greed and envy and ego. Whereas the National Book Awards are in New York.
Somewhere in the world is... The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.
It doesn't behoove us not to ask these questions. It makes us look like fools.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary... but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.