Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 6

You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well...

They're going to ask those questions.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey.

Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

I am a wild and crazy guy!

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

The environment changed with Martha Stewart and Enron.

Comedy is not pretty.

Private companies have a lot of capital. They can run things efficiently and get projects built.

Let us just say: I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it, because I was so happy all the time.

My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called "comedian" should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."