Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 6

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

I am a wild and crazy guy!

They're going to ask those questions.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.

Let us just say: I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it, because I was so happy all the time.

Comedy is not pretty.

It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.