Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 6

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

I am a wild and crazy guy!

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

They're going to ask those questions.

Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.

Comedy is not pretty.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Let us just say: I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it, because I was so happy all the time.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

The environment changed with Martha Stewart and Enron.