Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 7

There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.

It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.

You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

All of a sudden I had to remember some words that Marlowe had told me over fifteen years ago: "Dead men don't wear plaid." Hmm... Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

Be undeniably good.

So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.

I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.

Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, Diarrhea."

What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.