Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 7
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
All of a sudden I had to remember some words that Marlowe had told me over fifteen years ago: "Dead men don't wear plaid." Hmm... Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.
You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.
My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called "comedian" should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.
First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.
I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on.
There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.