Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 7
My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called "comedian" should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."
There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.
Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.
All of a sudden I had to remember some words that Marlowe had told me over fifteen years ago: "Dead men don't wear plaid." Hmm... Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.
The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.
Why is it we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'm a con man and I'm thoroughly lovable.
Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.