Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 8
It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.
Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'm a con man and I'm thoroughly lovable.
The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.
I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.
Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.
So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.
She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.
The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.
Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called "comedian" should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."
How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?
A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.