Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 17

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.

They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.