Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 17

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...

I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.