Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 17

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?"

I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.