Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 18

I'm constantly tap dancing and wearing bright clothing and talking really loud and smiling all the time. As soon as they can't see me I take off whatever I was wearing, step into my tap shoes, run back stage and turn the music on.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

In Mexico we have a word for sushi.

They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.