Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 22

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

In the Roadrunner cartoon, the coyote has been chasing him for 25 years. I'd like to see him finally get right up to him and go "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.