643 quotes
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
