643 quotes
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?
