643 quotes
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
