643 quotes
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?
