643 quotes
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
