Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 31

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

The speed of time is one second per second.

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.