Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 31

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.