Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 31

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

The speed of time is one second per second.

Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

What's another word for Thesaurus?