Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 32

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game he was watching was better.

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?