Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 33

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...

A wino asked me for change... I gave him my shirt.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.