Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 37

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?