Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 37
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.
I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."