Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 37

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

I had my coathangers spayed.

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

What do batteries run on?