Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 37

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

What do batteries run on?

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?