Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 38

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.'

Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...

Is 'tired old cliche' one?

Is it possible to be totally partial?