Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 39
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.
I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it...
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.