Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 39

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.

I invented the cordless extension cord.