Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 4

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

What a nice night for an evening.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear a thing.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.