Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 3

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

When you get married, you stand there and you say 'Til death do you part.' That's what you say in the marriage vows - make that vow, stay together forever. The divorce rate is sky high, so everybody's just lying their asses off. Why don't we come clean? Let's be honest, you know? Instead of standing there saying 'Til death do you part,' let's just go, 'I'll give it a shot.'

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

There's nothing wrong with dating younger men. My husband and I, we get along except for music because music dates you. He loves hip-hop - that's his thing, he loves rap music - but I like jazz. But he's started to enjoy jazz because I like to listen to jazz while we're having sex. Yeah, right, so now he loves jazz because he associates it with sex. He hears that jazz, he's like, 'That's my cue! It's on now!' But now, I can't even enjoy my music. I'm listening to Miles Davis, washing dishes. I turn around, he's standing there butt naked: 'Did ya call me?'

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I love doing stand-up, because it gives me the freedom to say what I really want to say. I think that's why it's my favorite thing to do.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

I went to this one strip club with the guys after the show and we get to the strip club and they actually tried to charge me a cover, can you believe that...you want me to pay...I was like pay are you out your damn mind..come on man I brought my own titties"

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.