Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 3

With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm not politically correct. I still say 'black,' I do. Because 'African American' - there's no bonus; it's not going to make your life any easier. You don't see black people standing around going, 'Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you, this beats the hell out of being black. We should have made the switch years ago.'

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don't give a damn. You tell them, 'Hey, I just got back from the motherland.' They're like, 'Where'd you go - Detroit? Did you see The Temptations?'

Our air quality's all messed up now. Knew that was coming when they lowered the emissions standards. Knew that was gonna happen when he appointed Christine Whitman head of the EPA. Yeah, the governor of New Jersey is head of the Environmental Protection Agency. Do you know how dirty New Jersey is?

The quickest way to a woman's heart is through her clit.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

You know when a relationship goes bad, man. You can tell when it goes bad when the sexual fantasies start getting all dark and everything. I was in this relationship, and he was like, 'Come on, come on - what's your fantasy?' And I was like, 'Well, I woke up, and you were dead.'

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.