Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 4
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
When we say we want you to get in touch with your feminine side, we really mean you need to touch our clit.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.
Diamonds are forever, but touching our clit can buy you two or three years.
I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.
It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
Comedy Central, they told me I had to watch my language because, the woman said, they had 'standards and practices.' I was like, wait a minute - you're Comedy Central. Aren't you the network where your number one show is a cartoon with a talking piece of shit?
And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.
I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.