Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 4
You know when a relationship goes bad, man. You can tell when it goes bad when the sexual fantasies start getting all dark and everything. I was in this relationship, and he was like, 'Come on, come on - what's your fantasy?' And I was like, 'Well, I woke up, and you were dead.'
L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
When we say we want you to get in touch with your feminine side, we really mean you need to touch our clit.
Diamonds are forever, but touching our clit can buy you two or three years.
I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
Comedy Central, they told me I had to watch my language because, the woman said, they had 'standards and practices.' I was like, wait a minute - you're Comedy Central. Aren't you the network where your number one show is a cartoon with a talking piece of shit?
We have to get out there and touch the people and let them know that you are thinking about them and to try and lift their spirits and get awareness out there to the rest of the country.
And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.