Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 4
Comedy Central, they told me I had to watch my language because, the woman said, they had 'standards and practices.' I was like, wait a minute - you're Comedy Central. Aren't you the network where your number one show is a cartoon with a talking piece of shit?
When we say we want you to get in touch with your feminine side, we really mean you need to touch our clit.
I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.
I love doing stand-up, because it gives me the freedom to say what I really want to say. I think that's why it's my favorite thing to do.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
You know when a relationship goes bad, man. You can tell when it goes bad when the sexual fantasies start getting all dark and everything. I was in this relationship, and he was like, 'Come on, come on - what's your fantasy?' And I was like, 'Well, I woke up, and you were dead.'
I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
I went to this one strip club with the guys after the show and we get to the strip club and they actually tried to charge me a cover, can you believe that...you want me to pay...I was like pay are you out your damn mind..come on man I brought my own titties"
And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.
Diamonds are forever, but touching our clit can buy you two or three years.
We have to get out there and touch the people and let them know that you are thinking about them and to try and lift their spirits and get awareness out there to the rest of the country.
I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.