Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 4
You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.
When we say we want you to get in touch with your feminine side, we really mean you need to touch our clit.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.
Diamonds are forever, but touching our clit can buy you two or three years.
Comedy Central, they told me I had to watch my language because, the woman said, they had 'standards and practices.' I was like, wait a minute - you're Comedy Central. Aren't you the network where your number one show is a cartoon with a talking piece of shit?
We have to get out there and touch the people and let them know that you are thinking about them and to try and lift their spirits and get awareness out there to the rest of the country.
I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.