Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 5
The man has a 70% approval rate, which makes sense to me because he's pretty much done everything I expected him to do: the economy's in the toilet, we're at war and everything's on fire.
Bush and Cheney have this whole thing where if you talk about America, if you talk about them, then you're anti-American.
Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.
When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.
They mess with your food, they do. They go 'Well Wanda, first we're gonna cut out all your carbs...' OK, wait a minute, hold up. Let me explain something to you. I've got this medical condition, and when you cut out my carbs - my foot? Right up your ass.
It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’
People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.
That's proof right there that men and women are on different levels because men can watch two women together and that's a turn-on. It doesn't work the same way for us, does it, ladies? No, uh-uh - it doesn't work the same. You ask any woman in here her sexual fantasy, and I will bet you a million dollars that it's NOT to go home and catch your man bent over with some big, burly guy standing behind him.