Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 6
All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.
I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.
My girlfriend called me because one of our other friends is getting married. So, they told me I had to pitch in for a male stripper. I said, 'You out your damn mind. I ain't payin' for no naked-ass man.' I mean, you think about it - women? We really don't have to pay to see that. I mean, really - we spend most of our time trying not to see that.
I don't go out with my single friends - not at all - because I never have a good time, never have fun. We go to a club, a guy comes over - 'Hey, can I buy you a drink?' They're like, 'No, she's married.' I'm like, 'Yeah, I'm married, but I'm thirsty. Why don't you shut the hell up, and let me have a free drink?'
Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
The fact that women make seventy-five cents to every man's dollar won't bother us as long as you touch our clit.
I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.
"Go have boys' night out" really means "I'll stay home and touch my clit."
Every now and then, I like to give out some advice. Ladies - don't laugh during the porno watching.
Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
When we ask you if we look fat, it really means "Can you see my clit?"