Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 6

The fact that women make seventy-five cents to every man's dollar won't bother us as long as you touch our clit.

I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.

When we ask you if we look fat, it really means "Can you see my clit?"

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

I don't go out with my single friends - not at all - because I never have a good time, never have fun. We go to a club, a guy comes over - 'Hey, can I buy you a drink?' They're like, 'No, she's married.' I'm like, 'Yeah, I'm married, but I'm thirsty. Why don't you shut the hell up, and let me have a free drink?'

Whenever we go out, I pay all the tolls. Yeah - he backs up to the tolls so the booth would be on my side.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

"Go have boys' night out" really means "I'll stay home and touch my clit."

All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

My girlfriend called me because one of our other friends is getting married. So, they told me I had to pitch in for a male stripper. I said, 'You out your damn mind. I ain't payin' for no naked-ass man.' I mean, you think about it - women? We really don't have to pay to see that. I mean, really - we spend most of our time trying not to see that.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

Men don't hear women.

Every now and then, I like to give out some advice. Ladies - don't laugh during the porno watching.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.