Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 14

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

The heart wants what it wants.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.