Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 14

Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?

The heart wants what it wants.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.