Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 15
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
Some men are heterosexual, and some men are homosexual, and some men don't think about sex at all. They become lawyers.
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
There are three things Jewish people worship - God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.