Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 16

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

The wicked at heart probably know something.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.

It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.