Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Life is for the living.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.