Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

Life is for the living.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.