Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

When I’m not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.

You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.