Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 18

Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.

Life is for the living.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Where am I, anyhow? I mean, what happened to everybody?

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.