Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 19

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.