Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 19

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.