Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 20

Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear playing the clarinet.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

I don't know enough to be incompetent.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.