Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 21

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

My ex-wife claimed she was violated. Knowing my ex-wife, it wasn’t a moving violation.

Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things - or who doesn't win them - you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.