Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 22
I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion... but it won't get much sleep.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dark about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
You always think another time would have been ideal for you... the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.