Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 3

You only live once, but once is more than enough if you live it well!

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.

Oh, now there's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.

The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.

Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

94.5% of all statistics are made up.