Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 4
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
Oh, now there's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in 2001.
It's worse than dog eats dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
You only live once, but once is more than enough if you live it well!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill 'em.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.