Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 4
You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only... only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in 2001.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.