Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 4
Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.
I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in 2001.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill 'em.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I can’t express anger. That’s one of the problems I have. I grow a tumor instead.