Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 5

How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill 'em.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?

I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.

The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this?

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?

My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.