Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 6

372 quotes

Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.

Death is an acquired trait.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.