Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 6

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Death is an acquired trait.

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.