Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 6

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

So then, what do you believe in? Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least after death you're not nauseous.

My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.

Death is an acquired trait.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.