Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 7
You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.
They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love - the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.