Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 7

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

They probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese, and mispronounce allegorical and didacticism.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.

Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love - the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.

By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using "hermeneutics", when they meant "heuristic".

So then, what do you believe in? Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least after death you're not nauseous.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I can't vouch for this film, in all honesty.

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?