Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 7

Death is an acquired trait.

My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school.

They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.

Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love - the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.

I can't vouch for this film, in all honesty.

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting.