Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 9
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.
My wife got us a catalog of stuff just for our dogs. 42 pages of things just for our dogs. She bought a feeding dish this high off the ground. I said, “What does he need that for?”, and she says, “So he don’t got to bend his neck to eat!” I just saw him licking his own ass! Excuse me for thinking he’s limber enough to eat! She said, “It helps his digestion!” I said, “His digestion’s just fine! I pick it up out of the yard every morning.”
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to watch the dog doing them.
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog...
If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.
The expression "working like a dog" dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.
I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
It is incredible to me that the whole street has to listen to your fucking dog.
But I’ve often said that if I had - I have two dogs - if I had two retarded children, I’d be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They’re sweet. They’re loving. They’re kind, but they don’t mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.
You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.