Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 8
Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.
My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
You might be a redneck if you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like "Barks & Recreation" and "Game of Bones."
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog...
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
You look like something the dog just buried in the backyard and is trying to forget where.
You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words … have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going … "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!"
I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
My life’s pretty easy, which is never good for comedy. I have a great relationship, a nice little house, a couple of dogs and cats and nice friends - there’s no jokes in that. I should fuck things up just for a business move.
My wife got us a catalog of stuff just for our dogs. 42 pages of things just for our dogs. She bought a feeding dish this high off the ground. I said, “What does he need that for?”, and she says, “So he don’t got to bend his neck to eat!” I just saw him licking his own ass! Excuse me for thinking he’s limber enough to eat! She said, “It helps his digestion!” I said, “His digestion’s just fine! I pick it up out of the yard every morning.”
I bought a pedigree dog for 300$. My friend said, "Give me 300$ and I'll shit on your carpet."