Quotes & Jokes about New York / page 9

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.

In New York, we're out of road salt. So for the next big storm they have to use parmesan cheese.

According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.

Tip to out-of-town visitors: If you buy something here in New York and want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.

I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.

I love autumn in New York City: The yellows, the browns, and the rust - and that’s just the drinking water... Here in New York City, the leaves turn - and run.

To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.

My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.