Quotes & Jokes about New York / page 9

In New York, we're out of road salt. So for the next big storm they have to use parmesan cheese.

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.

Tip to out-of-town visitors: If you buy something here in New York and want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.

I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.

According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.

I love autumn in New York City: The yellows, the browns, and the rust - and that’s just the drinking water... Here in New York City, the leaves turn - and run.

To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.

My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.