Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1094
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.
Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qualms about telling their guy friends. Similarly, if you're a guy and you pull your pants down, and the girl you're with immediately stats text messaging her friends, you have a small penis.
I am the Walrus, but not the one you’re probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to lie around in places for too long.
Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
Even if I say, "Everyone in the village died of diarrhea," I still laugh a little after "diarrhea".
I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
Normal people, fear the day their parents die. Screwed up people, fear the day their parents kill. My mum killed a guy, at my wedding. So I can pretty much check that off. But, she's my mum. And no matter what she did I just can't walk away from her. She gave me birth. She gave me love. She gave me the ability to make a cigarette fire look like it was started by the hot water heater.