Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1094
Now I must leave you as you enter the world that is Fuck. You are fucking lucky to be here. It's almost utopian.
Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers... damn anthropologists.
The United States ranks 14th in the world in education. Even if we subtract Sarah Palin's test scores, it only bumps us to third. Damn you, Finland!
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Can anyone lead us? Someone with integrity, truth, fire? Someone to create peace and unite us? God, I just described Bono and SpongeBob. We're fucked.
The Kinsey Institute says gay men have bigger sex organs. Hence the origin of gay pride.
It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what they imagined. You can avoid that disappointment by never, ever reading books.
Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale.'
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."