Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1095
It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what they imagined. You can avoid that disappointment by never, ever reading books.
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got to the point where that wasn't important. What's important is doing something worthwhile. Which is why I've always avoided being on a sitcom. Yeah, it's high-profile and it's on a network, but you know what? You could be on Suddenly Stewart.
There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I’ve found that if that’s all you have, you can’t get it out.
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!
You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.
When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.