Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1093
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.
You might be a redneck if your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
"I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin."
She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
Vengeance, is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the daisies. But, you need something really bad to take vengeance for. Like, your girl friend hogs the chocolate milk. No. But, your girl friend drags you into therapy and lets your family secretly watch while you weep, well, I think even the daisies want to kick a little girl friend ass. And, the worst part about it, is that she apologised. Gave me a back rub and we had the best sex we ever had. What kind of manipulative crap is that?
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!"
We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.