Quotes & Jokes by Chris Tucker

A nigga so broke these days somebody rob me they just be practicing.

Guns don’t kill people. Stupid motherfuckers with guns kill people.

Weed is from tha earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage!

You aint 180lbs. You weight more than a damn car girl.

They call you 'Pops',you work in the library and your best friend's a mouse.

Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You're fuckin' up tha rotation.

You don't know who you messing with man, I slap people for fun. That's what I do man! You wanna play rough, huh, I kill for fun!

I think all the knowledge and all the travels that I've done, I'm going to do a lot of great work in the future.

I wanted to cut down on the profanity, because I think I'm funnier without sayin' a lot of cuss words.

I'ma whip your ass! You, me, him! Everybody's ass around here!

I've actually tried to give Brett Ratner dance lessons, but he thinks he already knows how to.

I tell people that stand-up's like golf: you gotta do it every day to get it down - or at least three times a week to get it down.

Everybody goes through a lot of the same things, and I talk about those, and that's the key. You have to connect with your audience, and I might take them on a trip with me, tell them I went here and I went there and they'll go with me, you know, to hear the stories.

Making people laugh is giving, and it's healing, too, when people can go up to the movies and forget about their problems. It's a good thing. That's why I want to work.

I couldn't tell people what I wanted to do because I was from Atlanta. You don't tell people you're gonna be a comedian in Atlanta. That means you ain't gonna do nothing.