Quotes & Jokes by Garry Shandling / page 2

44 quotes

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

I don't like this reality television, I have to be honest, ... I think real people should not be on television. It's for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real.

The comic strip is what I looked at, and it's another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behaviour, interested me.

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on.

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, I don't think this was good for anybody.

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front.

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.